the two week wait...

If you have ever seriously tried to have a baby you have probably endured the two week wait.  It is the two weeks after ovulation before you can take a test to see if this is the month your were successful in getting pregnant.  I didn't endure the two week wait until we tried to become pregnant with my second.  I decided to try to control the situation with baby #2 and was tracking ovulation through fertility apps and taking my basal body temperature each morning.  So since I knew the exact day I ovulated I was fully aware of when my two week wait began.

It is by far the longest and most painful two weeks you can endure.  Everything is a symptom...every headache, soreness, nausea, every little feeling you have means you could possibly be pregnant.  You obsess over being pregnant and how early you can test what day to test and pour over online statistics of people with a positive 8 days after ovulation or people with false negatives who were then pregnant two days later.  You google, and google, and google trying to find solace in one success story that could be you.

Once you decide to test then the real fun begins..the amount of pregnancy tests you buy and take are staggering.  You try in the morning with first urine, if that doesn't produce a positive, you try at night.  I could usually hold out for about 8 or 9 days past ovulation then I just couldn't see the harm in testing just once.  But I couldn't stop there, it had to be too early for a positive right? I needed to keep testing.  The worst was when I would will myself to see the second line...but unfortunately I was the only one that could see it.  So I would buy a digital test and the "not pregnant" would stare at me right in the face, but hell, maybe it's too early, I'll try and test tomorrow...

The two week wait is a delusional state of life...you live alone in your own little world during those 14 days with few people to confide in.  You are dying to yell to anyone that might listen "I might be pregnant!" but you know way better than that.  Thank goodness for fertility apps and their community forums where you can cheer on and bond with other women going through the two week wait, the only people who understand you for one half of each month.

During the two weeks you are calculating possible due dates, first ultrasounds, and considering baby names.  All while convincing yourself that you must have morning sickness because you woke up not feeling too great...quickly forgetting about the margaritas you downed the night before in an effort to speed up the days or even hours until you could test again.

I hope that all women can end their two week wait with a positive.  When it finally happens it is an amazing feeling filled with joy, fear, love, and even sadness...it is like running a marathon that may never end...and when it finally ends, the real wait begins.

...this post was originally written for The Vintage Honey Shop

 

 

for the 1st time mom...a few things I wish I knew...

As I prepare for baby #2 due in a few short months I can't help but think of how I will do things differently and how I will get through those first few months with a new baby...

here are a few things I wish someone had told me...

Slow Down...you don't need to have dinner ready, the dishes done, grocery shopping complete. Take it all in, nap when baby naps, and just remember what a million people have told you is absolutely positively true, it goes by so unbelievably fast.  You will blink your eyes and suddenly have a toddler and you won't remember how clean your house was those first few months but you will sure as hell remember those long snuggles on the couch.

Everything is a phase...thank god this one is true.  Not sleeping through the night, teething, biting, not drinking milk, not wanting to read books, only eating orange foods, hating diaper changes...it is all a phase.  Nothing lasts too long and before you know it you are on to the next thing.  When you are in the thick of that phase you can't imagine it ever ending...but luckily...it does.  

They just need you...you will buy tons upon tons of fancy toys, diapers, books, swaddles, everything under the sun.  And in the beginning, especially in the beginning, they really just need you.  Hold them before you put them back in the bouncer, snuggle them before you invest in another playard.  You really only need a few things those first few months, don't go overboard...the stuff is nice to have, but none of it is truly necessary.

I see new moms in my neighborhood, exhausted as they push around their fancy strollers and I secretly am envious of each and every one of them...I am secretly dying to be snuggled up on the couch with a newborn...and I promise myself everyday that I will take in every moment with my next baby those first few months, because before you know it...the newborn phase is over.

while I was pregnant...

While I was pregnant with Mason, I was detached from what was really growing inside of me. I didn't want to get too close for fear of something going wrong. There are some things in your life (losing a parent or child) that can bring you down to your knees - I am frightened of those moments and choose not to prepare for them. 

We found out we were pregnant on New Year's Day and instead of being happy I was scared.  I remember I took somewhere in the range of 25 pregnancy tests during that first month and was relieved at every plus sign that I was still in fact pregnant.  I couldn't imagine or deal with not being pregnant after finding out - this is something I needed to be, even though I lived in fear of what it really meant.  I was at a point where every time someone announced on social media that they were pregnant, a part of me was happy for them, but the other part was devastated that it was not me.  

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