no longer a newborn...

Mason turned 9 months last week and off we went to the pediatricians office for his well visit.  These visits just get easier and easier - there are way less concerns about anything and more just keep doing what you are doing discussions and moving on.  I have less questions, they have less questions...and for once, I feel like we are really starting to figure out this parenting thing.

I will never forget when he had a fever a few weeks back of 102 and I called the nurses line frantic.  The nurse on call called me back completely unfazed about his temperature and said we should only bring him in if it goes over 104 or if he has a fever for more than 3 days.  6 months ago we would have been rushing him to the emergency room, now we are giving him tylenol and going about our day.

Everyone told me that time would go by so quickly, they told me to cherish every moment.  I worry every day that I didn't snuggle with him enough when he was a newborn, I didn't hold him enough, nap with him enough, walk with him all went by so quickly and I tried to keep up while it was happening.  I should have stayed home more with him and just soaked it all in, I should have closed us off from the world more and watched every yawn, every stretch, every blink of those little eyes.  I should have worried less about keeping the house clean, getting his playroom together, or grocery shopping.

I saw a couple leaving the pediatricians office that day.  The husband was carrying the carseat and I could tell that that had a newborn with the ease in which he carried it.  (I can now no longer carry all 21 pounds of Mason in his carseat without almost taking my back out).  They had the carseat canopy over the carseat, covering up their precious cargo.  Meanwhile Mason is flailing around in my arms, half dressed, covered in sweet potatoes, without any socks.  I watched them, I longed to be them again.  That feeling of being new parents, every little thing we did with Mason was new and exciting.  That first night when we barely slept, we just listened to make sure he was breathing.  I remember we were so scared taking him on his first walk we barely went halfway down the block.  Bundling him up in multiple layers in August so he wouldn't get cold.  The sense of unknown, of everything being new.  I remember fumbling with the stroller, the bathtub, and the diapers - things that are now second nature to me and I can do with my eyes closed.  

I realize now that we will never be that couple again. Yes, we will probably have another baby...some days I feel like I need to have another baby just to have that feeling of having a newborn again.  You almost feel like you are chasing yesterday when you have a baby.  Everyday I wish he would just stay this exact age for a little longer, I wish I could bottle up each moment so I could look back and see those toes again or hear that laugh..  But it will never just be us and a newborn again with that incredible sense of newness and wonderment.  Sometimes I can't believe my baby is not going to be a baby anymore in a few short months, I never knew time could move this fast... 

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." Robert Munsch