I had no idea...

I had no idea how full my heart would feel the moment you were born, the first time you smiled, the first time you really hugged me, and now the sweet times when you pat me on the back.  My entire throat closes up and I do everything I can to hold back tears.  It such a big crazy world and you make it easy to feel so lucky.

 Mason at 8 months old...

Mason at 8 months old...

I had no idea how much you would sleep those first few weeks and then when the sleeping ended how much I would wish the days of sleeping all the time would return.

I had no idea that breastfeeding would be so hard but so rewarding at the same time.  I had no idea that switching from breastmilk to formula to whole milk would be easier on you than it was on me.

I had no idea that you could be so funny, so sweet, so full of laughter.  I had no idea that you could laugh so hard while you were crawling that your knees would buckle and you would have to lay flat on the ground doubled over in laughter for a minute before being able to get back up.  

I had no idea how cute you could be.  Every day when you get home from school I ask you "did you get cuter today?"...and I am seriously asking you that because it is seriously true.  I had no idea how cute you could be.

I had no idea how my much my heart would ache when you cried or how quickly I would run to scoop you up and hold you when you fell.   

I had no idea that later on you would learn to cry out when you needed something or to get our attention and that you would be able to turn the tears on and off so quickly.  I had no idea how funny it would be sometimes when you would get upset over absolutely nothing...seeing your entire face scrunch up made us laugh out loud so many times...I had no idea you could be so adorable even when you are upset.

I had no idea how easy it would be to find a balance between working and being with you.  I had no idea how much you would love preschool and how much I would love work...during maternity leave I would have said or done anything just to stay at home with you indefinitely but it all worked out for the best in the end and I am so glad we have found the balance.

I had no idea that you would have eyelashes I could only dream about...

I had no idea that we would have to put diapers on while you were standing because laying down is something you are way too busy to deal with.

I had no idea how much your Dad could love you.  You two are best friends and sometimes I just sit and listen to your endless fits of laughter and the loud sounds of toys crashing and banging in the other room.  We are so lucky to have him.  

I had no idea that sometimes I would just want to sit and watch you...playing, eating, crawling, sleeping...I could easily sit and watch you all day.

I had no idea how much you would need me, and in turn how much I needed you.

I had no idea that we could go into your room to wake you in the morning and you would be snoring with your face smashed into the mattress and would push us away for a few more minutes of sleep, there are times when you are so obviously my child.

I had no idea how fast you would grow from a tiny baby to an independent big boy...I had no idea time could go by this quickly.

I had no idea that switching to the one year old room at preschool meant a week of crying and not sleeping...for both of us.

I had no idea how much your grandparents could love you and want to know every little thing about you...to them you are such an amazing gift that has filled their lives with so much happiness.

I had no idea I could love anything as much as I love you.  There are days where I feel like my life was just practice up until you came along...the reason I am here on this earth, began with you...