8 things you can no longer do (easily) once you have a baby...

I would not change this life for anything, but sometimes I find myself dreaming of my life before having a baby...basically doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted to.  I look at expectant moms and I want to yell "sleep in! sleep in for as long as you can!" as they walk around completely clueless to the life they are about to leave behind...

Here is my list of a few things that you can no longer do (easily) once you have a baby that no one told me about:

  1. You can no longer leave the house past baby's bedtime (for us this means 7:30pm).  After bedtime, we are home.  There are no dinner's out, movies, or trips to the bar on a whim - the exception being nights with a babysitter which you need to plan ahead for and of course pay for and with that, all spontaneaty is lost.
  2. You are now stuck with only eating at kid friendly restaurants.  I try very hard not to be the parents dragging my child to non-kid friendly restaurants where he will inevitably have a complete meltdown.  We are now regulated to a few restaurants and our days of fine dining seem to have ended abruptly.
  3. You will miss sleeping in, waking up whenever you feel like it, leisurely drinking coffee in the morning, and thinking about what you might do that day.  That is no longer possible, your days are now completely planned out and controlled, by a small child.  The words leisurely and sleeping are no longer in your vocabulary.
  4. Napping during the day is a thing of the past.  You nap when they nap if you ever want to nap.  And you wake up when they wake up.
  5. Showering when you want is now a thing of the past.  Showers are quickly taken in under 5 minutes either right after bedtime or before baby awakes in the morning.  Showers while they are awake are about 2 minutes long and include a heavy dose of guilt as well.
  6. Tired is now a constant feeling and not something you only used to feel sometimes during the week before having a baby.  We walk around like zombies some days, barely talking to one another just going through the motions until we can fall asleep again.  Taking care of a baby, especially a mobile one, is completely and utterly exhausting.  And if your baby wakes up even once during the night, you mine as well not even go to work the next day - life is miserable.
  7. Getting out of the house takes twice as long and you will always forget something.  I run around like a crazy person before leaving the house...grabbing everything in sight I think we might need.  A quick trip to the grocery store is now an hour long ordeal complete with a diaper blowout right as baby is strapped into the car seat. 
  8. Being alone...something so simple that happened so often before a baby is now extremely hard to come by and revered upon as so special.  Me time used to be all the time before baby, now its something I have to plan for days in a advance to pull off successfully.

While my days are now monopolized by a one year old, being his Mom is by far better than any date night, nap, or shower...Again...I wouldn't change a thing...except maybe an extra hour of sleep each day.

I cried today...

I cried today because you are growing up so fast, and time is moving so quickly, and I am not sure that I had a chance to take in every little moment with you this past year.  I cried because I can't stop time, even though I want to, it is one of the many things that I just can't control.

I cried today because you cried as I was leaving you at preschool and hearing you cry for me makes every part of my body ache.  I cried because every time I leave you, even though I know you love school, I feel guilty beyond all belief that I am not the one taking care of you each day.

I cried because I actually enjoy going to work while you are at school but I can't help but think that I am missing out on being a part of the amazing world you live in every minute of the day.  I cried because our few hours together each day are so short, and it takes everything I have to not to hug you for each second I am with you...  

I cried because this world is so big and can be so mean and I can't even imagine my sweet boy being a part of such a cruel world.  I cried because I can't even fathom the thought of someone picking on you or letting you down, and I know I can't stop either from happening, no matter how hard I try.

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My house has never been so messy...

Mason (11 months old) started crawling a few weeks ago and is now cruising (rather quickly) all over the house.  He managed to pull himself up on the pack-n-play once this past week and now there is no stopping him. 

He pulls up on anything he can find including the stroller, a rocking chair, the highchair, any and all tables and shelves - especially the ones with sharp edges, and even the diaper pail.  Most of which, topple over on him which then leads to a outburst of crying.  

The crib is no longer a place to sleep but a jail cell that he needs to find his way out of.  He no longer will just lay down in his crib when we put him down to sleep, since he learned to pull up.  Now he is jumping and yelling and using every bit of strength to try to heave himself out of his crib.  

Bedtime now involves listening to Mason yell on the monitor for about 30-45 minutes before he passes out.

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A letter to my Mason on our 1st mother's day...

I am so so lucky to be your mom.  You have filled my heart and life with more joy and love than I knew I was capable of.  I love to snuggle in bed with you and watch you smile, laugh, and kick.  We roll back and forth and just laugh and laugh together.  You snuggle your head into my neck and bounce and bounce, you are my sweetheart, my honey bear, my everything.  You are the sweetest little boy without a malicious bone in your body.  You love adventures, books, and any and all types of food.  

You are happiest when we are all together, you, your dad, and I just hanging out at home, no toys, no distractions, just us.  You laugh more than I thought possible and sometimes for no reason at all.   You are so incredibly happy and our home is now a place filled with smiles, laughter, toys, and games.  Everyday we discover a new way to make you laugh, and it never fails that when you laugh, we laugh too.  

Our lives have completely changed since the day you arrived and we can no longer even imagine what our life was like before you.  There are days where I dream of a little more sleep and a little more relaxation but I would trade either for one more snuggle with you. 

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the awful, horrible, no good, weekend...

Some days I just feel defeated.  I feel like nothing can possibly go right.   The times when I go in the kitchen and realize I never put the milk I pumped in the fridge, let alone a cap on it.  The times when I get in my car already late for everything and discover I have no gas.  I feel like throwing in the towel, giving up, saying I have had enough.  I cannot possibly do this one more day.  Being a parent, I now have more of these days then I ever imagined trying to work, deal with daycare, keeping my marriage in one piece, and doing what feels like endless loads of laundry.  Today was one of those days.

We had an awful weekend, I was getting over a terrible fever and was exhausted, weak, and not at my best.  Mason we believe, though we do not have any little teeth buds to prove it, is teething.

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