a year with mason..

I can't believe it was a year ago today that my sweet sweet Mason was born......with a baby, days bleed into weeks, weeks into months...and time truly seems to move at a faster pace.  I walk away from this year feeling older, exhausted, and living in a messier home...and at the same time feeling incredibly blessed, filled with love, and happier than I ever thought possible...

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I cried today...

I cried today because you are growing up so fast, and time is moving so quickly, and I am not sure that I had a chance to take in every little moment with you this past year.  I cried because I can't stop time, even though I want to, it is one of the many things that I just can't control.

I cried today because you cried as I was leaving you at preschool and hearing you cry for me makes every part of my body ache.  I cried because every time I leave you, even though I know you love school, I feel guilty beyond all belief that I am not the one taking care of you each day.

I cried because I actually enjoy going to work while you are at school but I can't help but think that I am missing out on being a part of the amazing world you live in every minute of the day.  I cried because our few hours together each day are so short, and it takes everything I have to not to hug you for each second I am with you...  

I cried because this world is so big and can be so mean and I can't even imagine my sweet boy being a part of such a cruel world.  I cried because I can't even fathom the thought of someone picking on you or letting you down, and I know I can't stop either from happening, no matter how hard I try.

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A letter to my Mason on our 1st mother's day...

I am so so lucky to be your mom.  You have filled my heart and life with more joy and love than I knew I was capable of.  I love to snuggle in bed with you and watch you smile, laugh, and kick.  We roll back and forth and just laugh and laugh together.  You snuggle your head into my neck and bounce and bounce, you are my sweetheart, my honey bear, my everything.  You are the sweetest little boy without a malicious bone in your body.  You love adventures, books, and any and all types of food.  

You are happiest when we are all together, you, your dad, and I just hanging out at home, no toys, no distractions, just us.  You laugh more than I thought possible and sometimes for no reason at all.   You are so incredibly happy and our home is now a place filled with smiles, laughter, toys, and games.  Everyday we discover a new way to make you laugh, and it never fails that when you laugh, we laugh too.  

Our lives have completely changed since the day you arrived and we can no longer even imagine what our life was like before you.  There are days where I dream of a little more sleep and a little more relaxation but I would trade either for one more snuggle with you. 

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